Friday, October 2, 2009
11:19 PM
Day by day time passes
Till now and still, i couldn't find the person
The person whom can really listen to my problems
The person whom can really understand my feelings
The person whom can really help me solve my problems
The person whom can really treat me as a true friend
Im 17 now, truly outsiders could say i have everything i needed
but outsiders are still outsiders
What i need is a person who can treat me as his/her true friend
but do i have one ?
What i need is someone who understands me
but do i have one ?
What i need is a sincere heart from someone
but do i have one ?
And now the only thing that can listen to my problems
is this e-diary as i could rely on this....
Finally, i can understand why teachers don't encourage students to couple
It's because when one start to fall in love in someone
it's really suffering that it could seriously affect one person
whether in emotions, feelings, academic or the others
well, i myself is a victim now, what can i do ?
I could only blame myself, why should fall in love ?
If i could control myself, i won't be like this now
Do all girls like to judge people by their appearance ?
I really don't understand this....
Actually, since the day i fell in love with her
I knew that my life would be like this
Since the day i confessed to her, i knew that she would treat me like this
but what can i do ?
I seriously, really loved her...
Almost everything i did, i just want to get her attention
If i were to say, everything she wants i could give
whether in material or in emotion or feelings..
Do you remember the days in Prefect Camp 2009 ?
Do you remember that i'm moody for the 3 days ?
Is actually because of her...
For 3 days 3 nights, i've been talking to her, she ignored me
It really hurts me when she did this....then
For the following 8 days of holiday...she did the same thing to me...
I started to be emotional since then, a sudden change in my emotion
makes most of my friends confused on what's happening to me....
Then, another recent incident that really shattered my heart is when i heard MK said
She don't wanna talk to you too much because she wants you to give up on her
That day was a saturday, right after i heard this i could see the sky drizzling
deep within my heart, it's bleeding
Before i know this news from MK, i was wondering
Why you ignored me ?
Why you don't reply my SMSes ?
Why don't you reply me in MSN ?
then i got to know that i'm the only person you didn't reply
then i'm hurt, deeply wounded...
2 weeks of trial, if you ever noticed
I've been ignoring her....i didn't talked to her even she asked me something
I didn't even wish a single 'Hi' to her until now 03/10/2009
but i don't think she realize it, furthermore im nothin in her life.....
but after so many things i did, i realised that i'm just lying myself and my friends
Honestly speaking, i'm jealous with a guy sometimes
I'm wondering why could he be so close with her ?
Not just close, it's very close...
today i saw both of them staying in class, a sudden anger rise within me
but i didn't show out...i'm trying very hard to control myself
Sometimes i'm thinking whether that guy is chasing her
or maybe he's just trying to make me jealous
I'm lost now...i don't know what to do neither what should i do
The only thing i know is that i'm doing many idiotic things and i found out
that im lying to myself....I still have feel on her
Shall i confessed to her for the last time ?
I really don't know what she think about me.....
To rely on 'friends' why not relying on myself...
furthermore i'm used to it...
being betrayed, being used, being ignored
heck !! now i would rather die than staying alive...
It's so suffering..
Anyone understand my feelings ?
I'm down........
wearedriftingapart-
